Outgrowing

Last weekend, I was sitting on an unmade bed in a hotel room and scrolling down my 165 pages novel draft. In our English class, all honors students are required to do an Independent Writing Project. While it might be a pain in the ass for others to write two hours per week after school, it has never inconvenienced me. I write for two hours every day if time allows.

My IWP project was the YA novel I finished during NaNoWriMo and rewrote without a revision outline. I typed the last word with a smile on my face and a feeling that I won’t come back.

When I go to college, I probably won’t read YA novels as much. Not because my taste becomes more “advanced”. My to-read list is just too long (it has 56 books already!) and there are so much in the world that I want to explore. I want to live the life of people who are so different from me that I shout with delight, “I didn’t know a person could think like that!” They might be at a drastically different age, live on the other side of the world (or a different world!), and/or come from a different culture. And I want to read more literary books and non-fiction. 

That’s how I feel about my novel. During the teenage years, a writer grows immensely, and the improvement is even more tangible for a non-native speaker. I am amazed at how much I’ve grown every time I read something that I wrote two months ago. 

Counting Clouds was a fantastic project—it was right what I needed. I started writing it when I fully accept my sexuality, when I question about religion and love, when I finally let go of the feeling of abandonment. And when I miss the elephant (whom I still couldn’t bring myself to call a stuffed animal) I lost years ago but still couldn’t get over, because the countless days and nights when my parents are “too busy”, she stayed by my side and listened and comforted me. 

Carmen Kessler was so different from me, yet we experienced growing pains and confusions together. We bonded over of our passion for writing and chatted from the warm summer liveliness to the chilly fall tranquility. I have amazing friends now and no longer seek companion from fictional characters, but Carmen and I shared a special relationship that I always hold dear to my heart. 

But now, it’s time to say goodbye.

Farewell, Carmen Kessler. May your future be clear and bright. May you get into your dream college. May your young love with Leela lasts forever. May you stay lifelong friends with Joanne and Dylan.

So, Dr. H, is it too late to change my IWP project?

The Consequences of Pulling an All-nighter

Most of us have unfortunately pulled one or multiple all-nighters when we had been procrastinating on a school project, reading a fantastic book, or partying with friends on the New Year Eve. When you have a paper due tomorrow, sacrificing your sleep seemed like the only solution. There are numerous resources on pulling an all-nighter without dying from exhaustion, but I thought I would share my personal experience.

Disclaimer: I have never pulled an all-nighter working because my body literally can’t. So……

During the New Year sleepover, after playing “what do you MEMES” and “Apples to Apples”, most of my friends gradually surrendered to the Roman god of sleep, Hypnos. Only one of them and I were awake, thank our already-messed-up sleep schedule during winter break. So we decided to play cards, and hours passed by without our notice.

What kept me conscious were water and fresh green apple. I love water. I love the feeling of cleanness in my mouth and being hydrated. I love hot tea too, but it makes me sleepy. I personally never tried coffee or energy drink, but they might work for some people. During an all-nighter, it’s extremely important to eat food that make your body feel good.

When I got a little bored, we switched to doodling random things on blank papers. This was when all the tiredness summoned me. My friend said, “You have gone through hours, don’t give up in the last minute! (paraphrased)” So I didn’t. The next morning we ate donuts and leftover pizzas.

My host mom picked us up and we got home around noon. The first two hours of the afternoon I allowed myself to relax (which was pretty rare for a workaholic). I wrote in my journal, “It’s pretty amazing how my body is functioning properly despite the lack of sleep.” NO. Around three o’clock I tried to study, but my brain flatly refused. So I thought, “Okay, I’ll just take a short nap then.” 

I woke up at ninety thirty at night. I ate dinner (because I skipped lunch) and went back to bed. I woke up at noon the next day. Turned out there is no way to cheat on nature. I spent the first day of 2019 doing nothing, which was a great way to start a new year (no sarcasm here) because I’m learning to be okay with doing nothing and not measure my self-worth by productivity. 

Still, don’t pull an all-nighter unless it’s necessary……

PS: Happy Chinese New Year!